Oh! The Struggle!!! Why I've Been MIA

So….I have sucked at keeping my blog blogging. Life got complicated. It is still complicated. We are still here in Washington. The job I got before we moved here flew the coop this summer. I have been trying to figure things out since then.

Have you ever made a choice you were sure was the right choice, then every step to bring it into fruition was an absolute struggle?  Why doesn’t it ever occur to you that maybe if it was the “right” choice the struggle wouldn’t be there? Looking back on my career choice, that is how I am feeling. It has been a constant struggle of some sort.  But if I don’t do that, what am I going to do that will even come close to the income level I can currently make???

Now, I'm not saying that worthwhile things do not take effort and hard work. They do, but I don't really think it should be a constant fight. My struggle has felt very akin to hammering a 3 inch square peg into a 2 3/4 inch round hole.

Things have occurred in my last two job sites that have totally stripped my confidence, leaving me feeling utterly depleted and completely uninterested in continuing in my career field. Combine this with the above mentioned feeling of constant struggle and you get me and my current situation.

Foggy, snowy view from my door, fitting my foggy mental state.

I feel paralyzed. Apathetic. Lost. I normally would be filled with anxiety not having a job and watching my savings disappear, but this is where the apathy comes in…and it bothers me.  I feel like I’m in a bubble and all the feelings I should normally have are just words swirling around beyond my bubble. I can see them, I agree I should feel them…but I don’t. This is a new form of depression I have not felt…at least as long as I have currently felt it. I’m on my meds, so who knows what a mess I’d be if I were off them! Yikes!!!

So, I am trying to figure out how to bust the apathy bubble, find the right path, and start moving again. Right now, I will have to go back into my career field, but I plan on exploring other options. What those are, I don’t know, but I damned well plan on finding out!

Let me know if anyone out there has felt the same at one time or another. How did you move beyond your funk?